Sunday, October 4, 2015

transitional phase

almost 2months already i am here as an etd mo (emergency & trauma dept) im kinda like ed, as my lasting posting in edhkl and i know how the system  works etc. colleagues here are super nice, staff nurse as well. my 1st 2weeks im here, struggling without transport and struggle to settle down in new place. i charter taxi to fetch and pick me up from work everyday. nak sewa kereta lagi mahal around rm500 per week! i dont like nk susahkan orang nak tumpang hantar ambil ke kerja setiap hari so not me. the matron offered me, dr dah ada rumah tidak? dr nak sa carikan kereta sewa? and when im moody (so obviously showed all over my face) because of homesick, the staff nurse try their best to comfort me; dr dah makan? dr jom la join karaoke malam ni. dr nak ikut kakak balik kampung? and my landlord also is a nice man. after 5days househunting finally i found the house i like. to feel like home. to be home. i dont preferred housemate but i welcome any visitor. fully furnished and when i stepped in the house, it was perfectly clean. and rent also affordable for me to live alone.
i told my sister for all what happened, and she replied, what did you do in your life for you to meet all these nice people? my heart is warm.

but

now im still struggling. as a mo, bigger responsibility ahead. sumpah hari-hari rasa bodoh sebab tak tahu nk manage pt. and some case mismanaged. good thing to have some senior colleagues and EP that really helpful. they guide and correct my wrongdoing and everything i didnt know, they always available to answer my doubt. the truth is i never, even once intubate patient during my ho life. so when im incharge resus alone, im struggle really hard to manage the case by myself. and the worse thing, to have ur inferior to look down at you. once the ho ask me something and i answer honestly sorry i pun tak sure i never accounter this kind of pt before, you can ask more senior mo. and the ho replied straightaway in front of me, kan best kalau dr G (my senior colleague who just recently transferred back to semenanjung) ada kat sini lagi, die tahu semua bende.  and the worse thing, they even bully you. You saw the case together, but you are the one who writing, to give medication and prescribe, all by urself. paling sumpah kena buli, dr la refer sendiri. omgg! i cannot. during my time (the words we dont like to hear so much during houseman) i wouldnt even let my mo to clerk the case by themselves and even akan siapkan settlekan semua pt baru balik. now, they just simply balik awal sharp when they finished their shift tinggalkan kerja tak habis. omgg im so pissed off. im so mad.

setiap hari pergi kerja tak sabar nak habis shift nak balik. setiap hari menangis. setiap hari i wish im in kl right now. setiap hari i wish i got transfer back.

i miss kl badly. i miss my soup family, really really much. their occasional text and call really soot me. i really really want to back to kl, badly.

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