Wednesday, October 14, 2015


kak ida once told me; its ok for you to ask for help, to rely on somebody, to receive all those kind gesture. it doesnt mean that you are weak. you deserve it hani. everyone know that you're really strong.

i dont know whts wrong me. or what im trying to prove? am i too independent? am i too spoil?
a girl (dunno if im already a women) who has really fragile heart yet try to be strong (and independent)
i cry over silly matters, always. i feel guilty to accept any kind of kindness because i think i dont deserve it. i dont like to ask for help for everything i can do by myself. i really dont like people who rely on others for everything. can you please be independant, please.

am i too independant, and selfish?

i have my own bubble that i dont like people step into my bubble. i can be friend with you, but please stand out side from my bubble. im very selective to anywhom can enter my bubble. and once you're in the bubble, i love you so much, you re my everything and i trust with my life, and i can open up everyhing with you. ok thts actually too exaggerated.

so now, i dont have ANYONE in the bubble. 2months here seems like forever to me. i dont have a good support system and awesome company to layan my random ranting. who i can hug tighly, who can lend a shoulder for me to cry, who i can tell everything to lighten my shoulder.

why its so difficult for me to accept new people in my life? i mean, to invite people into my bubble. am i too defensive? or am i having a trust issue? i rather spend my time alone rather than hangout with the people outside the bubble. huhh then im stress because of lonely. pathetic. and if i dont like you, i will forever will not like you. stay away from me please.

to buddies inside the bubble who accept me for who i am, who can tolerate my clingyness. i miss you.

macam mana nk kawin ni if i am too comfortable with myself, and im very difficult to accept people in my life.

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