Saturday, June 21, 2014

things.. happened

i had accident last week. its quite bad. partially my fault. on my defense, car in front of me brake suddenly, it was in the right lane for the God sake. i am driving fast, so dumm!! tak sempat nak break. the rule actually, it was totally my fault because I didnt keep the distance with car in front of me. my car was soo bad i couldn't even look at it again and had it towed. i wish i can delete the pict in my phone. it happened at Subang on my way to meet Nana and Azreen as they plan to celebrate my birthday. (it happened on the next day of my birthday, best birthday present ever! and my 1st day off in 3 weeks.) ironically i called my Subang boys and they come to rescue, instead of call for help from my girlfriends im suppose to meet. i just told them i bailed. i dont know, maybe tak nak susahkan orang? or you just really need someone that you really can rely on and you sure they will come at the time you really need for help. i try my best not causing trouble/burden to others but there is a certain things you cant really handle on your own. Joshua and Hijaz with Fath help me settled everything; police report, went to workshop and deal with insurance thing and they sent me back to Banting. and i crack, and cry. thank you so much guys.

then life have to move on.

i enjoy my ong posting so much, many people and colleague i just met accidentally think im a MO. a fussy pt yesterday let me attend his wife as he doesnt want 'doktor pelatih' to treat his wife. i am doktor pelatih. ahh dont be so demand. just explain everything what you did and ask for permission with little confident, it really help to deal with patients. just thats it. i thinking im gonna be malignant MO. i dont want to, but i really cant tolerate so annoying  and bad attitude (in my point of view) not so called junior houseman. i am not that good, im still stupid, i cant answer questions from my specialist and hv a lot to learn. but at least i want to learn and try to improve myself and i do my job. why these people expect they can be spoon fed all the time. urghhh. if you dont know, ask. if you want to learn, ask. what/why so difficult?
honestly, i just walk away from them. i know im bad.
i still remember in my 1st posting in medical i am so stupid i dont know what is nbm. and dont even know how to clerk case. very good senior at that time; both Shahira, Ilyas, Ishani, Zahra, Ikram, and my boss Dr Marina, Dr Rena. help me, taught me a lot going through  it. i thank them so much! i wish can be like them.
yes actually i can be like them, but on selective people. i can be nice to you if you're nice to me.

Just awake after 30hours straight of daycourse & nightshift. didnt get day off this week. naah im not complaining, just to let certain things off my chest. my life is pretty good and im getting fat.

after 90hours/week of shift at the hospital, all you want to talk with your friends that you can meet once in a while, is everything except work. i really wish group of doctors meeting after work have somethings else to talk other than patients and work related stuff. tired isn't. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Eiffel im in love

Tagging in is fun. I love ong. Tired but fun. minggu yang memenatkan. Somehow i find sitting in the car after work is therapeutic. Reach home, sit in the car for half an hour of doing nothing and staring at the stars . Kelmarin buat kerja mengarut. Been working 7am-10pm straight for past 8days. Hbs kerja smlm pukul 10, tgk wayang, alone and go home at midnight. The perk of being me and live in the city. Whatever.

inner conflict of midlife crisis. omg i'm that old. What really i wanna do?

I dont know.

Im sooo in love with ong. Still tagging period and today i handle one patient by myself from pac to labor room, conduct a labor and repair her tear. Confidently did suture by myself, without supervision. It feel so good when u done very fast fine suture and apply the surgical knot.

i spend the whole day in labor room from 7am-11pm today. It made me happy. But i dont know what cause my euphoric now. Either because im fasting and breaking fast with delicious nasi kerabu mak wahida bawakkan bekal. Awwww :') (i mintak of course, muka tak malu). Survived A***n today (most malignant mo that hate taggers so much) kena marah once though in afternoon,  but it goes smooth later. He even called me by my name. Gain trust by my other MO. (here they downgrade the taggers so much ie my first time in the ot i ask the staff nurse, which color of cap i should wear as there is no green cap available. ( in main OT; green cap for doctors, blue for staffnurse, white for ppk and yellow for visitor.) She said doctor and staff nurse wear blue. Taggers &visitor is yellow. Sumpah downgrade gila-gila) so yeah, a little appraisal really lift me to the moon. And the other thing,  i smell 2nd best smelling guy ever. Omg is it sick? No isn't? The best smelling guy i ever smell was my Egyptian colleague, it was 3years ago. no, im no sniffing. i just can smell it. it is rare. So thats why it is something. Siapa yang tak suka bau wangi kan. Mohon dielakkan jadi zina/fitnah.

So many things to be grateful in life. And able to witness miracles everyday, is a beautiful feeling. :')