Monday, May 26, 2014


the rule is simple: buat baik dibalas baik.

my HOD, Mr Z is away for quite some time. haven't see him last week. my assessment, logbook, perkhidmatan for next posting etc already settled  except 1 paper of surgical that need sign of specialist and HOD. i've got all the signatures, except Mr Z's. so Mr Z assistant told me Mr Z only available on Monday morning at the hospital and i still have get the signature by myself and submit the paper.

so today on my last day off, went to hosp for Mr Z signature hunting. wake up at 8, laziness strike and arrived at hosp around 9. as lazy me who never park outside the hosp because dont want to waste much energy (and fat) of distance walking so i still want to get parking spot inside the hosp though its very minimal chance even for double park. luckily saw a postcall houseman struggling push a double park car to get her car out from parking lot. helped her, so yeahh got a parking within minutes. and i saw a butterfly on the tar road  at the parking lot had trauma on its wing and it cant fly. try to catch but it keep fly away. i just want to help you la eeei. at last got it, and i put it to the nearby bushes just hopefully it will be safe there, at least will not hit by a car.

look for Mr Z in ward and they said round finished already. so went to OT and saw Mr Z with other big bosses in the pantry. two minutes outside the pantry thinking whether to go in or not. i just dont want to waste my time on my off day at the hosp but to meet the HOD, in front of other bosses some more, it really giving me chill to the bone. so i decide to go in, get Mr Z signature, and Alhamdulillah settled. last advise when he asks me where are you going next? ONG i said. -practice a lot on ur fingers. hehe. alright boss. so im not wasting much time/energy hunting around the hospital or wait till he finish his OT to settle my task today. Alhamdulillah.

past few days i did enjoy my end of posting leave. balik kampung, shopping and went to Muar and Melaka with Liyana. visit colleague and sister at Hosp Muar. met Yana. then had mee bandung muar for lunch with Farid and Nadia. heading to Melaka, food hunting, going to the beach, eat sleep and eat again. ahh so heaven not thinking of work.

but yesterday evening, really emotional for me. 1 thing maybe because of the Thomas Cup. and the other thing.. *sigh. i think sometimes, somethings are better left untold. i wish i never knew the stories. the whole evening yesterday i feel really mad and sad, thinking unable to protect people i love. i dont want to see people i love get hurt. why la. never thought that things will ever happened. i mean, ye kita merancang. tapi kita boleh menentukan. you can say no. isnt? that moment you feel so mad till you wanna cry. and at the same time you feel hopeless. you cant really do anything to help it, to fix the problem, to protect people you care. i dont know. *sigh. i wish there are more things i can do.

too emotional i think i cant be alone. still tired of driving from Melaka and going out the whole day, then i decide to go to soup. yeah it help. lend a hands, give something and meet the people who have most good attitude among all. it made my day.

going home alone and tired, sticky stinky and happy and still mad and sad.

life is complicated huh.

one thing, i rarely say no. when people ask me to do a favor or for a company, if i am free or even if im occupied, i try to fulfill the request. the feeling of rejection, its hurt. really hurt when someone says no to you. i guess everyone know how does it feel. i dont know maybe because i have low emotional tolerance so it affect me a lot. i try my best so i dont want others to feel the same to me. but for other people, they really have the gut to say it, dont they.

this video really lift me up when i feel down and tired.
i do believe in karma. what goes around come around.
we have more than we need compare to them; skills, knowledge, money, smile, good attitude! and more. tak kurang untuk memberi kepada yang memerlukan, if they do really need it.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014


الحمدلله (i just installed arabic letter and still excited about it :p) done surgery!  I do have hate love relationship with surgery. Its very interesting dept but damn really scary bosses. You really don't want to mess anything with them. Im just glad it was over. Huge relieved.

My assessment.. just fair. Its not really good. It just.. Pass. My assessor,  mr T and mr M are really nice. one of the nicest surgeon among all. With mr M i only able to answer 2 of 3 questions fluently. And he pass me anyway and signing my log book without further questions. quite scary as i heard he had extend three months to 1 of my colleague who didnt pass in the first attempt assessment.

The thing is, this is the dept where everyone try to avoid responsibility and be selfish. If something screwed up they will questioning everyone involved and may get extended because of that though you may have good intention of helping your colleague. So ppl (most of the houseman) just want to save their own ass, and not really helping each other. Ppl try to avoid work in ward because of grand round everyday and you'll present in front of at least five surgeon and they will ask everything, a lot of why. Why. And why why why. and everyday's morning grand ward round is like timing bomb. You'll never know when they gonna explode.

I do have a good time. I am nobody pet and i never wish i am. (there are a 'pet' of certain specialist and it will make your life either good or miserable.) i learn a lot with some of the really good attitude inspiring superior, and i respect them.

My last pm last night was not a really good call. I dont like my partners. My first time night shift with them. I dont have problem with them before, but they are a bully. And racist. They speak with their mother tongue most all the time in my presence. We doing round together with specialist. Uneventful night. But I clerk, i do post op review, manage to get some sleep, took most of morning blood,  i trace the result and put in the case notes, and they keep ordering me to do stuff and refuse to go OT with 101 excuses. They are senior poster and made themselves look busy of i dont know wht they're doing with fake giggle in front of boss. Urghh annoying. Thank you, you guys just made my leave easier i dont have emotional feeling of leaving the department.

Then again, its a matter of attitude.

Great partner so far, Grace Abi Sylas Fauzi Faris Carol definitely miss working with you guys. 

Next! Keluar mulut singa, masuk mulut buaya. Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

extended family

we come from different age, different background and different profession.
we met a certain point in the journey of life .
we manage to bond, and enjoy each other companion
at least twice a week, of  a same purpose of life.
we become a family.
we hug, we lift each others spirit, we lend a shoulder.
we fought, we pull hair, we annoyed each other, and even made each other cry.

most loud, annoying, lovely mixed bunch of people I have met..