Saturday, February 8, 2014


after being a chronic ho in peads, finally.. alhamdulillah now im in surgery.
my 1st impression... wow. just wow. you know the surgeon; they have that kind of personality only have in surgeon. adore some of them. arrogantly genius awesome surgeon.
2 weeks of life, so far so good.
and grand morning round, is not that bad. or maybe havent seen the worse thing happened, yet.

and yet today is the most fruitful day. being jobless for past 2weeks. reviewed one or none patient per day, lol. and today i got two patients! eventful patients. thought not that eventful. but at least i have something to do. 66years old gentleman, underlying diabetes melitus and hypertension. coming presented with for per rectal bleeding for past 2days. colonoscopy shows rectosigmoid lesion fungating and ulcerating. histopathological examination shows rectosigmoid adenocarcinoma. CT thorasic abdomen pelvic  shows thickening of rectosigmoid 20cm from anal verge, solitary lung nodule at upper right lobe and aneurysmal dilatation of right iliac artery. ok thats 1 of the case. so  join my boss in family conference to break the news and explain for all the possibilities outcome. refer to anaest for op on monday. carry on the anaest plan; blood, other investigation etc, get HOD to sign form for TED stocking (mission HOD hunting in the whole hospital) palpitation in front if HOD, haha. settled 1 case. the other case, hypothyroidism for DOTS. trace old notes, return here and back SOPD-rekod-ward. find out the old medication, KIV to refer ophthal. by noon to refer ophthal. scolded by MO ophthal (because refer case to her in late afternoon on friday somemore during lunch break, sorry boss!) PPK/nurse hunting to send pt to ophthal clinic. and goshh it has been a while since last time i got scolded for referring a case, kinda miss it though. so yeah that kinda fruitful summary of today. :P

so, still in latent phase to get use to the new environment, new colleague, new bosses. with too much rules. miss my babies. my better half/ bff in old wards. i was being in comfortable zone for too long. hahaha yeah im whining now. and they said, stay low and insignificant. yep, i'll try my best!.

honestly i prefer to work alone, to settle everything on my own. but doesnt mean i against teamwork. i love teamwork.  i dont mind lend my hands helping others and i do love myself more when im busy occupied with loads of work. but for teamwork to work, it takes two to tango. if you didnt you job, just leave like that innocently without thinking of your responsibility and you expect other ppl will settle your job for you, that is selfish. and when other ppl ask for your help you become such a bitchy person. its a matter of attitude.
i just.. cant. i cant deal/work with these kind of ppl.

my bad for highly judgmental. but all those ppl with no manners, harsh words spoken, selfish kind of ppl. i just.. cant.  i can be your friend if you treat me like a friend.

i think i want a break. but i dont want a break. depends on with who you gonna take a break. is it really worth kind of break? what am gonna do during the break?

i start to doubt a lot of things recently. am i doing the right thing? am i choose the right ppl/friends? am i on the right path? what really i want to do? am i being a good servant, a good daughter? i feel there is a dark spot inside of me. need to find the light at the end of the tunnel.