Monday, October 27, 2014

Banana leaf

Postnight shift on saturday. Finished shift at 7am and randomly went to breakfast with Hazri, Ida and Masherra at Raju's. 2nd time at Raju, with same people. we had a big breakfast! with fish, prawn, lamb, and squid. the fried fish and squid are something you would die for. Omg it is so good. 

total damage: rm110 for 5 people. quite expensive though. but i think its worth it.


Then when i told them i never had banana leaf before so here we go again for lunch, after random saturday trip to zoo negara. at Panni, just beside Raju's.

only half of the dishes. not in the pict; ayam goreng, ikan goreng, sotong goreng and curry! surprisingly total damage only half than our breakfast (for four ppl). 

so, banana leaf restaurant: check. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

not so lonely.

Finished oNg! Omg i fell in love more and more with this department. Last month posting in gynea, i did enjoy it. Though few things happened made me regret; my decision, my action and mistake ive done. small mistake, big consequences. I signed result of hb 7 and didnt do anything. And that pt was planned for op on the next day. Staff nurse just randomly asks me to sign and i didnt review it properly. My bad, my mistake. :( What my boss said made me regret even more; 'hani what happened? I just about to trust you.' Tsk. Its funny how one little mistake can ruin everything. Its hard when your job dont allow you to make a slightest mistake. Make a wrong choice or decision, you'll live with it forever.

My end of posting leave, here i am. at The Dus*n, Seremban.
Escaped from city. Away from work, hospital, annoying people, traffic jam and everything.

Omg this place! Beautiful and magnificent! Back to nature with good company. quite expensive though. but i think worth it. 


Now im in ortho. Tagging, lagging. Everyone are senior posting. Everyone are really good. Think like a boss, act like a boss; which kinda annoying, bossy around, act like knew everything, and racist. Pfftt!

Whatever it is, bring it on! I told my colleague, what doesn't kill you make you stronger. She disagree with me. She said MI doesn't kill you, and only make you weaker. Lol.

At certain point of life, when you have own job, ur own life and you are too comfortable with urself. All things here are so true for me. Sometimes when i ask my friend to hang out, all i get are 1001 excuses or ignorance that made me annoyed and i dont ask anymore. so, rather than getting hope for disappointment of rejection, i prefer just go out by myself and do whatever i want or wait for people to ask me out. and usually i just hang out with my fav ppl that made me happy.

Last week i had a company for dinner and movie. It was really awkward because it has been awhile i go out with someone, to watch movie especially. i always watch movie alone. I dont know if im ready for any commitment. I dont like waiting. I dont like restriction. I dont like someone (who are not my boss) giving order to me. I dont like other people control my life. i have limitation of human interaction.

not that i want to be alone, forever alone all the time. i still have my girlfriends, my soupies, pd clan, geng tingkap and colleague, etc. but, i think there is a dosage that i can tolerate.

Too comfortable to be alone. Tsk. (Which is not good i guess)
somebody please find me a boyfriend.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Selamat hari raya haji

photogrid hari raya

pagi raya. because face selfie is too mainstream. (pada muka yang tak mandi)
petang raya. still muka busuk jugak. lulz.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Random

Drained. Been working straight for past 3weeks. Finally got 1 day off. Wehuu! Nak complain asyik penat kerja pun tak berbaloi sebab nak tak nak akan kerja jugak and continuously do the same routine sampai.. bila pun tak pasti. i wont quit my job, for now or anytime soon. Really short no of ppl now but life still so far so good. Tired body mind and soul. Pmsing some more. 

The perks of having awesome friends; oh cuti, nak g pd? -jom! And stat went to pd. 

Spend the day dgn buat assignment di tepi pantai sepanjang hari dan bermalas-malasan. ohh nikmat dunia.

After dinner going back to kl and odw home saw 1 of our friend's car beside the road at random street, his car broke down and other gang were there too. so random!. batolian penyelamat kereta. then we lepak at our usual place till 2am. random night on weekdays which we rarely do, everyone are working coming morning but just enjoy the moment and each others companion and didnt event realize time flies.

Later I arrived home quite late and have to work coming morning, but still.. im glad i have a good day and well spend with familiar faces.



Thursday, July 31, 2014

eid saied.

warna lari tema. kakak kata kami sekeluarga dan orang gaji. Zzz.



. hari raya pertama. selamat hari raya daripada kami!





Monday, July 14, 2014

doctor without border

asalnya dah apply leave untuk trip puasa dengan geng soup 11-13hb untuk ke Penang/Melaka/Kuantan. memandangkan tarikh semakin hampir dah dapat cuti dan tiada kata putus lagi. ade pula ajakan dari rakan sekerja untuk menyertai program kembara orang asli pada tarikh yang sama. tanpa fikir panjang terus setuju. (last minute geng soup dah confirm nak pergi Melaka jadi ambivalance nak pergi mana satu! sorry guys.)

it is so random. tak tahu siapa yang sertai, ke mana destanasi, dan ini adalah kali pertama nak join aktiviti macam ni. so i thought, okay just give a try, it might be fun. so here we go.

matlamat utama program ialah untuk menyelami hidup orang asli hasil usaha dakwah sehingga majoritinya beragam Islam disamping menyalurkan bantuan sumbangan dan meraikan bersama ramadhan. jadi destinasi kami ialah Pos Tuel, Gua Musang, Kelantan. 5 jam perjalanan convoy bersama 4 buah kereta dari kl  dan 1 jam menaiki pacuan 4roda melalui jalan hutan dan meredah sungai. disertai oleh  7org houseman hkl, dan beberapa org pelajar perubatan cucms. anjuran bersama Malaysian Relief Agency, Usrah HKL dan Bikers HKL.

melihat penduduk orang asli di pedalaman membuka mata sesuatu yang baru pengalaman yang tak tergambar. ketua misi, Dato' Dr Razak mantan pengarah HKL membawa kami menyelami hidup orang asli dan kepentingan berdakwah kepada mereka. beliau membawa ajaran Islam kepada kaum orang asli sejak 30 tahun lalu dan mengikuti perkembangan hidup dan ajaran agama Islam yang disampaikan sehingga majoriti orang asli kini beragama Islam. beliau turut membantu ekonomi penduduk orang asli dgn penanaman pokok getah, pembukaan sekolah, project kilang kerepek dan pelbagai lagi. usaha keras murni beliau dalam berdakwah dan membangunkan penduduk orang asli, sangat dikagumi dan tak terbayang diri untuk mampu berbuat sedemikian.

kami dibahagikan ke lima buah kampung, menyampaikan bantuan paket makanan kepada setiap keluarga, masak bersama penduduk kampung untuk berbuka, solat maghrib isyak dan terawih bersama. masak untuk satu kampung! dengan kemudahan yang serba kekurangan. tiada bekalan elektrik dan line telefon ape tah lagi. pengalaman 2 hari 2 malam membuka mata dan minda, berharap trip ini bukan lah kali pertama dan terakhir.




kredit gambar kepada official photographer misi.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

things.. happened

i had accident last week. its quite bad. partially my fault. on my defense, car in front of me brake suddenly, it was in the right lane for the God sake. i am driving fast, so dumm!! tak sempat nak break. the rule actually, it was totally my fault because I didnt keep the distance with car in front of me. my car was soo bad i couldn't even look at it again and had it towed. i wish i can delete the pict in my phone. it happened at Subang on my way to meet Nana and Azreen as they plan to celebrate my birthday. (it happened on the next day of my birthday, best birthday present ever! and my 1st day off in 3 weeks.) ironically i called my Subang boys and they come to rescue, instead of call for help from my girlfriends im suppose to meet. i just told them i bailed. i dont know, maybe tak nak susahkan orang? or you just really need someone that you really can rely on and you sure they will come at the time you really need for help. i try my best not causing trouble/burden to others but there is a certain things you cant really handle on your own. Joshua and Hijaz with Fath help me settled everything; police report, went to workshop and deal with insurance thing and they sent me back to Banting. and i crack, and cry. thank you so much guys.

then life have to move on.

i enjoy my ong posting so much, many people and colleague i just met accidentally think im a MO. a fussy pt yesterday let me attend his wife as he doesnt want 'doktor pelatih' to treat his wife. i am doktor pelatih. ahh dont be so demand. just explain everything what you did and ask for permission with little confident, it really help to deal with patients. just thats it. i thinking im gonna be malignant MO. i dont want to, but i really cant tolerate so annoying  and bad attitude (in my point of view) not so called junior houseman. i am not that good, im still stupid, i cant answer questions from my specialist and hv a lot to learn. but at least i want to learn and try to improve myself and i do my job. why these people expect they can be spoon fed all the time. urghhh. if you dont know, ask. if you want to learn, ask. what/why so difficult?
honestly, i just walk away from them. i know im bad.
i still remember in my 1st posting in medical i am so stupid i dont know what is nbm. and dont even know how to clerk case. very good senior at that time; both Shahira, Ilyas, Ishani, Zahra, Ikram, and my boss Dr Marina, Dr Rena. help me, taught me a lot going through  it. i thank them so much! i wish can be like them.
yes actually i can be like them, but on selective people. i can be nice to you if you're nice to me.

Just awake after 30hours straight of daycourse & nightshift. didnt get day off this week. naah im not complaining, just to let certain things off my chest. my life is pretty good and im getting fat.

after 90hours/week of shift at the hospital, all you want to talk with your friends that you can meet once in a while, is everything except work. i really wish group of doctors meeting after work have somethings else to talk other than patients and work related stuff. tired isn't. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Eiffel im in love

Tagging in ong.ong is fun. I love ong. Tired but fun. minggu yang memenatkan. Somehow i find sitting in the car after work is therapeutic. Reach home, sit in the car for half an hour of doing nothing and staring at the stars . Kelmarin buat kerja mengarut. Been working 7am-10pm straight for past 8days. Hbs kerja smlm pukul 10, tgk wayang, alone and go home at midnight. The perk of being me and live in the city. Whatever.

inner conflict of midlife crisis. omg i'm that old. What really i wanna do?

I dont know.

Im sooo in love with ong. Still tagging period and today i handle one patient by myself from pac to labor room, conduct a labor and repair her tear. Confidently did suture by myself, without supervision. It feel so good when u done very fast fine suture and apply the surgical knot.

i spend the whole day in labor room from 7am-11pm today. It made me happy. But i dont know what cause my euphoric now. Either because im fasting and breaking fast with delicious nasi kerabu mak wahida bawakkan bekal. Awwww :') (i mintak of course, muka tak malu). Survived A***n today (most malignant mo that hate taggers so much) kena marah once though in afternoon,  but it goes smooth later. He even called me by my name. Gain trust by my other MO. (here they downgrade the taggers so much ie my first time in the ot i ask the staff nurse, which color of cap i should wear as there is no green cap available. ( in main OT; green cap for doctors, blue for staffnurse, white for ppk and yellow for visitor.) She said doctor and staff nurse wear blue. Taggers &visitor is yellow. Sumpah downgrade gila-gila) so yeah, a little appraisal really lift me to the moon. And the other thing,  i smell 2nd best smelling guy ever. Omg is it sick? No isn't? The best smelling guy i ever smell was my Egyptian colleague, it was 3years ago. no, im no sniffing. i just can smell it. it is rare. So thats why it is something. Siapa yang tak suka bau wangi kan. Mohon dielakkan jadi zina/fitnah.

So many things to be grateful in life. And able to witness miracles everyday, is a beautiful feeling. :')

Monday, May 26, 2014

karma

the rule is simple: buat baik dibalas baik.

my HOD, Mr Z is away for quite some time. haven't see him last week. my assessment, logbook, perkhidmatan for next posting etc already settled  except 1 paper of surgical that need sign of specialist and HOD. i've got all the signatures, except Mr Z's. so Mr Z assistant told me Mr Z only available on Monday morning at the hospital and i still have get the signature by myself and submit the paper.

so today on my last day off, went to hosp for Mr Z signature hunting. wake up at 8, laziness strike and arrived at hosp around 9. as lazy me who never park outside the hosp because dont want to waste much energy (and fat) of distance walking so i still want to get parking spot inside the hosp though its very minimal chance even for double park. luckily saw a postcall houseman struggling push a double park car to get her car out from parking lot. helped her, so yeahh got a parking within minutes. and i saw a butterfly on the tar road  at the parking lot had trauma on its wing and it cant fly. try to catch but it keep fly away. i just want to help you la eeei. at last got it, and i put it to the nearby bushes just hopefully it will be safe there, at least will not hit by a car.

look for Mr Z in ward and they said round finished already. so went to OT and saw Mr Z with other big bosses in the pantry. two minutes outside the pantry thinking whether to go in or not. i just dont want to waste my time on my off day at the hosp but to meet the HOD, in front of other bosses some more, it really giving me chill to the bone. so i decide to go in, get Mr Z signature, and Alhamdulillah settled. last advise when he asks me where are you going next? ONG i said. -practice a lot on ur fingers. hehe. alright boss. so im not wasting much time/energy hunting around the hospital or wait till he finish his OT to settle my task today. Alhamdulillah.

past few days i did enjoy my end of posting leave. balik kampung, shopping and went to Muar and Melaka with Liyana. visit colleague and sister at Hosp Muar. met Yana. then had mee bandung muar for lunch with Farid and Nadia. heading to Melaka, food hunting, going to the beach, eat sleep and eat again. ahh so heaven not thinking of work.

but yesterday evening, really emotional for me. 1 thing maybe because of the Thomas Cup. and the other thing.. *sigh. i think sometimes, somethings are better left untold. i wish i never knew the stories. the whole evening yesterday i feel really mad and sad, thinking unable to protect people i love. i dont want to see people i love get hurt. why la. never thought that things will ever happened. i mean, ye kita merancang. tapi kita boleh menentukan. you can say no. isnt? that moment you feel so mad till you wanna cry. and at the same time you feel hopeless. you cant really do anything to help it, to fix the problem, to protect people you care. i dont know. *sigh. i wish there are more things i can do.

too emotional i think i cant be alone. still tired of driving from Melaka and going out the whole day, then i decide to go to soup. yeah it help. lend a hands, give something and meet the people who have most good attitude among all. it made my day.

going home alone and tired, sticky stinky and happy and still mad and sad.
..............

life is complicated huh.

one thing, i rarely say no. when people ask me to do a favor or for a company, if i am free or even if im occupied, i try to fulfill the request. the feeling of rejection, its hurt. really hurt when someone says no to you. i guess everyone know how does it feel. i dont know maybe because i have low emotional tolerance so it affect me a lot. i try my best so i dont want others to feel the same to me. but for other people, they really have the gut to say it, dont they.

this video really lift me up when i feel down and tired.
i do believe in karma. what goes around come around.
we have more than we need compare to them; skills, knowledge, money, smile, good attitude! and more. tak kurang untuk memberi kepada yang memerlukan, if they do really need it.





Wednesday, May 21, 2014

EOP

الحمدلله (i just installed arabic letter and still excited about it :p) done surgery!  I do have hate love relationship with surgery. Its very interesting dept but damn really scary bosses. You really don't want to mess anything with them. Im just glad it was over. Huge relieved.

My assessment.. just fair. Its not really good. It just.. Pass. My assessor,  mr T and mr M are really nice. one of the nicest surgeon among all. With mr M i only able to answer 2 of 3 questions fluently. And he pass me anyway and signing my log book without further questions. quite scary as i heard he had extend three months to 1 of my colleague who didnt pass in the first attempt assessment.

The thing is, this is the dept where everyone try to avoid responsibility and be selfish. If something screwed up they will questioning everyone involved and may get extended because of that though you may have good intention of helping your colleague. So ppl (most of the houseman) just want to save their own ass, and not really helping each other. Ppl try to avoid work in ward because of grand round everyday and you'll present in front of at least five surgeon and they will ask everything, a lot of why. Why. And why why why. and everyday's morning grand ward round is like timing bomb. You'll never know when they gonna explode.

I do have a good time. I am nobody pet and i never wish i am. (there are a 'pet' of certain specialist and it will make your life either good or miserable.) i learn a lot with some of the really good attitude inspiring superior, and i respect them.

My last pm last night was not a really good call. I dont like my partners. My first time night shift with them. I dont have problem with them before, but they are a bully. And racist. They speak with their mother tongue most all the time in my presence. We doing round together with specialist. Uneventful night. But I clerk, i do post op review, manage to get some sleep, took most of morning blood,  i trace the result and put in the case notes, and they keep ordering me to do stuff and refuse to go OT with 101 excuses. They are senior poster and made themselves look busy of i dont know wht they're doing with fake giggle in front of boss. Urghh annoying. Thank you, you guys just made my leave easier i dont have emotional feeling of leaving the department.

Then again, its a matter of attitude.


Great partner so far, Grace Abi Sylas Fauzi Faris Carol definitely miss working with you guys. 


Next! Keluar mulut singa, masuk mulut buaya. Wish me luck!



Thursday, May 15, 2014

extended family

we come from different age, different background and different profession.
we met a certain point in the journey of life .
we manage to bond, and enjoy each other companion
at least twice a week, of  a same purpose of life.
we become a family.
we hug, we lift each others spirit, we lend a shoulder.
we fought, we pull hair, we annoyed each other, and even made each other cry.

most loud, annoying, lovely mixed bunch of people I have met..








.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

stainless steel

I just realized that that actually.. i cant be scolded. Spoiled much?

I cry in the OT last month when my boss scold me because i touch the instruments. 'houseman why you took that? Its not your job to do that. You dont touch anything.' i dont know why so emotional, spontaneously burst out tears. Not that obvious, just pool of tears in the eyes. But i think my boss noticed that, since then it was an awkward moment whenever i have to deal with him. but i guess its a good thing since he never scold me again after that. a very known most malignant specialist in the dept, you are really screwed if you messed with him and all duration stay in dept is like living hell.

And today, again being scolded because patient went home with JKTU drugs that havent sign by specialist/consultant. we got the meds owing the pharmacist signature since patient have to go back early to Kelantan. when i try to get their signature on the next day, yes of course they make a big deal about it. and he just throw the JKTU form to me without sign it. *sigh.

and everytime got scolded by my MO or specialist, i'll cry. this dept is the winner make me cry so much since i work so far. i dont know if i feel bad of myself or i feel mad at them.

ohhh.

i still not yet to have steel heart. i hate being scolded. i really cant tolerate it. sometimes i feel weak. i wish my heart is stronger than that.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Right man at the right place on the right time

Omg. Adrenaline rush. Im really thankful for what happened last night.

Has been a while since i've been in the ward. Was in the operation room and clinic for the whole week. Tired fun and interesting, that all i can say. 

So yestersay back into ward on night shift and taking care the whole ward alone in ward 14 (1st class surgical ward) all new pts, new cases, unfamiliar faces.

Good thing in 1st class ward is, all patients are stable. They wouldn't allow pt even with nasal prong oxygen to be in first class ward because pts stay in the room, not in the cubicle like general ward where staff can observe closely pt all the time. First class ward they hv more privacy where staff only attend pt if needed.

So routinely, taking pass over, know every pts in out, round with specialist twice on night (once with kkm team, once with vascular team) and do night review for all pts.

Done round with both specialist at 7pm and i did another round at 11pm, alhamdulillah all pts are stable. Some minor issues staff nurse inform dxt, bp, new transfer in, post op rv, cancel op, yada yada...

There is one pt, S. I recognized him as i was assisting in his op on the day before for total thyroidectomy. I made a mistake, little strong retraction on the muscle causing neuropraxia to the nearby nerve. My boss already told me yesterday; i better check on pt post op as pt may developed horseness of voice, and that will be my mistake. *gasp.

I checked on him today, he has it. I feel bad. (seriously i really feel bad, told my colleague and he said, things happened,  thats why we have consent.) im not sure if it is supposed made me feel good or glad despite of the mistake ive done, or what. But S said his voice getting better, slight relieved, and i just hope it is temporarily and will resolve soon. I apologize, but not telling him it was my mistake. Just you know, things happened, and its common complication. And i still feel bad.

Almost midnight, staff nurse inform me pt's wife call and tell S is feeling uncomfortable.
You know in first class ward, sometimes they can be annoying and bugging you for small issues, that you still hv to attend and entertain.

Attend pt stat. He complain of uncomfortable at left shoulder and pain at the op site. I think that are common but... He describes the pain as strangulate pain and having difficulty in breathing. he's tacypneic, check on lungs clear, palpate on the neck, i couldn't find any difference. Noted slight oozing of blood from drain on the left neck. He's on pcm and tramal. So Im thinking to give him oxygen and escalate the analgesic for him.

The thing in surgery is, everything you do, you hv to inform your MO. Called my boss; drO and thankfully he's coming stat (which is rare). He said to transfer pt to acute cubicle active general ward for close observation. Out of nowhere suddenly my specialist; msS come. And she said, called anaesth need push pt to OT now and prepare suture kit on the bedside. 

Omg. Omg.

Yeah he has post op bleeding. It is a close space, causing compression. I didnt thinking about it and didn't see that. (yeah, eyes cannot see what mind doesnt know) It's all so sudden, i check on him an hour ago, he is fine. He talks to me and walking around in the ward. Further history from his wife, she claims pt cough and try to expel sputum before incidence happen. And maybe one of the clip on artery dislodge.

While im calling anaest, drO and msS open the incision bedside to release the pressure, and there is a lot! of hematoma and bleeding. Pt's blood is o neg. Calling MO PDN for blood and call for help from colleague from passive ward. They came and help run for blood to PDN while other ho standby awaiting in OT.

i dont know where MsS come from but she said once she heard drO wants to transfer pt to acute cubicle, thts not right. Her first pt with neck hematoma passed away because of hypoxia. They transfer that patient to acute, gave high flow mask and even refer to anaesth and pt intubated. But it was late already. 

Im really thankful. for drO come stat see the pt, msS coming out of nowhere and save the pt's life, and colleague from passive ward even come to help me; thank you.

So mistake learned.

Next time u see pt post op thyroid surgery with that kind of features, pls send pt back to op immediately. another minute late, patient may have die.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

rambling.

after being a chronic ho in peads, finally.. alhamdulillah now im in surgery.
my 1st impression... wow. just wow. you know the surgeon; they have that kind of personality only have in surgeon. adore some of them. arrogantly genius awesome surgeon.
2 weeks of life, so far so good.
jobless.
and grand morning round, is not that bad. or maybe havent seen the worse thing happened, yet.

and yet today is the most fruitful day. being jobless for past 2weeks. reviewed one or none patient per day, lol. and today i got two patients! eventful patients. thought not that eventful. but at least i have something to do. 66years old gentleman, underlying diabetes melitus and hypertension. coming presented with for per rectal bleeding for past 2days. colonoscopy shows rectosigmoid lesion fungating and ulcerating. histopathological examination shows rectosigmoid adenocarcinoma. CT thorasic abdomen pelvic  shows thickening of rectosigmoid 20cm from anal verge, solitary lung nodule at upper right lobe and aneurysmal dilatation of right iliac artery. ok thats 1 of the case. so  join my boss in family conference to break the news and explain for all the possibilities outcome. refer to anaest for op on monday. carry on the anaest plan; blood, other investigation etc, get HOD to sign form for TED stocking (mission HOD hunting in the whole hospital) palpitation in front if HOD, haha. settled 1 case. the other case, hypothyroidism for DOTS. trace old notes, return here and back SOPD-rekod-ward. find out the old medication, KIV to refer ophthal. by noon to refer ophthal. scolded by MO ophthal (because refer case to her in late afternoon on friday somemore during lunch break, sorry boss!) PPK/nurse hunting to send pt to ophthal clinic. and goshh it has been a while since last time i got scolded for referring a case, kinda miss it though. so yeah that kinda fruitful summary of today. :P

so, still in latent phase to get use to the new environment, new colleague, new bosses. with too much rules. miss my babies. my better half/ bff in old wards. i was being in comfortable zone for too long. hahaha yeah im whining now. and they said, stay low and insignificant. yep, i'll try my best!.

honestly i prefer to work alone, to settle everything on my own. but doesnt mean i against teamwork. i love teamwork.  i dont mind lend my hands helping others and i do love myself more when im busy occupied with loads of work. but for teamwork to work, it takes two to tango. if you didnt you job, just leave like that innocently without thinking of your responsibility and you expect other ppl will settle your job for you, that is selfish. and when other ppl ask for your help you become such a bitchy person. its a matter of attitude.
i just.. cant. i cant deal/work with these kind of ppl.

my bad for highly judgmental. but all those ppl with no manners, harsh words spoken, selfish kind of ppl. i just.. cant.  i can be your friend if you treat me like a friend.

i think i want a break. but i dont want a break. depends on with who you gonna take a break. is it really worth kind of break? what am gonna do during the break?

i start to doubt a lot of things recently. am i doing the right thing? am i choose the right ppl/friends? am i on the right path? what really i want to do? am i being a good servant, a good daughter? i feel there is a dark spot inside of me. need to find the light at the end of the tunnel.


........................

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

big step.


thats the feeling when your bestfriend tell you she's getting married.
and within 4 month?! why all of sudden?

and i cry, of course.

i dont mind at all when saw all my schoolmate, my colleague all getting married.
i mean we all grown up.

but when its totally different feeling when it happened to your bestfriend.

the same feeling when my sister left me to Sabah. *sigh.

ppl changed when they get married. i've seen it before, a lot.

so not ready. 


:'(


Thursday, January 23, 2014

my present

selfie project.lol.credit to KakMi.
btw i just learned a new word today. while we're lepaking at mamak; talking, catching up as usual and ice breaking with other few new ppl join us (not so few of 5 tables), out of random topic we discuss, then Ida says; Hani she is like that. shes eccentric.

my 1st time i heard that word though. went back home, i google it, and.. i dont know what it supposed to mean.

haha. bye.