Saturday, November 23, 2013


Ida says: we've all lose one or two things here. but we gained more than what we've lost. we come back everytime because it keeps our sanity intact. there is always, someone having a harder time than you. and if there is someone who makes you pull all your hair out, there is also someone who can make you smile.

Z says: The regulars, monitored, helped, fooled round, pulled puns on each other and mostly catching up with each other's life. We came from very different backgrounds and yet we have managed to bond and come to yearn for each other's company.
life gets to us sometimes and if i were to be in their shoes one day, alone, aimless, hungry, i would damn appreciate it if one person would smile at me, extend an arm and hand me a packet of biscuits for sustenance.

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

Hazri says: 
Siang, engkau penuh kejayaan,
Malam, engkau sepi dengan rahsia,
Berkaki lima tetapi infiniti dengan mimpi,
Duka atau gembira,
konkrit jadi peti rahsia,
Tiada siapa tahu,tiada siapa kisah,
Kota penuh rahsia,
Kota penuh mimpi,
Kota penuh hampa,

Ain says: 
In the quiet of the dark as the moon looked on with sympathetic eyes, 
They wander the streets so lonely,
without hope, 
without dreams, 
without direction.
Midnight souls fuel the empty pavements, 
carving initials with their spines as they lie shivering.
Like unwanted remains of a city street, 
they are left to wait, 
left to contemplate, 
left alone, 
hoping for a brand new day.

Wawan says:
We’re all hoping for a Superman to come and swoop in to save the day.
But we tend to forget that we’re Super ourselves.
The fact that we’re vulnerable and that anything can happen to us
when we walk out the door every other day.
Somehow we still find the courage to go out in the world
and make it a better place even just a little.

Amy says:
..... and we're not just a soupfriends. we're more than that,

we're friends.

Friday, November 1, 2013

bring it on

we really short number of ppl in scn(special care nursery) now. im supposed to leave last week, but hv to stay to help my colleague. i don't mind. the babies; they're so adorable, and annoying. small, and strong. they're so small cute annoyingly adorable little creatures. and i love them.

You never fail to smile too when seeing those beautiful smiles of babies. Little piece of heaven on earth

and I am a medium from Allah to help them, for first few minutes crucial time of life, to breath, to see the world. and im honored for that.

my prev leader was kinda of bitch. i dont know whts her problem. the schedule is a mess and she's a emo bitch, so difficult to talk to her. like last week, im S3(9pm-12pm) alone. that's not a problem, but the issue was no body's doing S1(7am-5pm). no ho in the morning except me postcall last night. with flood of admission in the night, sleepless night, blood coming morning, and did morning review alone for the whole ward. i started doing my am review at 430am and manage to finish all the babies at 9am. fuhhhh. im supposed to back at 12, but hv to stay till 5 and did pm review alone as well. it was wayyy beyond my limit. even number of mo is more than houseman. i cried few times on that day. maybe actually im stronger than that. but when nurses said, dr sorg ke dr? eyh dr tak blk lg? kesiannya dr. tears break down.

and when ong houseman from postnatal ward called scn looking for peads houseman. no body else available to attend the case. 'dr peads can u attend the baby now? the baby is extremely jaundice extend to thigh and legs. i wont be responsible if anything happened'.  wht just did u said? ok fine. you dont want to be responsible. actually it can wait for postnatal ho to attend but he keep calling scn every 5min. i attend the baby, he's not yellow at all, not even tinge of jaundice. what the hell?! so tired in ward and still has to run all over the building. what...

so yesterday I'm S2(7am-10pm) alone, at labor room. how come only 1 ho standby in lr? thts what ppl ask the whole day. even 2 ppl is not enough, still kelam kabut. i dont know why, ask my prev leader. thank god postcall ppl stayed with me till 12pm. (usually postcall will go home around 8-9 if we hv enough no of ppl). i tell myself, sokay i can handle it. it was a peaceful day for first few hours and i still can manage it alone until..
2 operation theater open at the same time to finish 3 elective case ceaserean section for today. i was like ok, keep calm. attend 1 by 1. attend the 1st case, complete everythng and go to another ot. couldnt make it, baby delivered already and attended by ong houseman and nurse. baby's good. so i just complete the documentation.

the next hour, pac called to attend bba (birth before arrival) baby. another pregnant lady sent up to labor room in labor for twin babies. and 1 case for emlcsc for fetal distress in operation theater. all needs peads houseman to standby. i felt like im the most wanted ppl yesterday. only me, hv to be at 3 places at the same time. wht should i do? which 1 to attend 1st? called for help, went to scn ask if they could attend the bba baby. but unfortunately, only taggers n just-offtag ho, they didnt do nrp yet so they not yet confident to attend the case. ok keep calm. find help find help, post natal ho come and help me. she's very busy as well. sorry wani, and thank you very much. she attends the twin babies. i went to pac 1st, assess the bba baby, baby's apparently well, ditch him, rush to ot attend emlcsc. called my mo, baby born well, settle the documentation and everythng and went to back to pac.

milakh suppose to do s3 tonight. but he came early to help me. ohh thnk God. he attends the 3rd case of elective case, helps me settle the twin babies and with the other things. I'm glad you came, and sacrifice ur day. thank you so much.

oh my goddd. seriously. i so damn tired. and palpitation all the time. adrenaline rush most of the time. still, try to keep calm and smile. but couldn't wash off tired look of my face

so wht happend yesterday actually was a mess. the work burden, was beyond the limit. life is sucks. so? either to whine and complain about it, or be happy, enjoy it and try to extract the positive thing in it. and i think actually this is a good thing. it kinda fun?. and maybe i enjoy it, a little bit. it train myself to embrace the situation. and i love myself when im busy, occupied and distracted with work. im proud of myself today. yes i can do it! my colleague once told me, you never know what you're capable to do until push to your limit. 

at the end of the day i feel so damn tired, even slept while im driving and suffered from gastritis as well, and i feel good. *pat on shoulder.

quote from my colleague: I don’t think I could handle the work burden. Well I think I could, but maybe by that I need to forget being married and to remember that have a family.