Sunday, April 28, 2013

i was always strong as long as we were a team.

pejam celik pejam celik 2months already in medical. another half way to go. i think im improved a little much. gain much confident. and kinda proud of myself if i diagnosed and manage correctly. *pat on my shoulder.
but still not good enough. still not very good in presentation, still hv like 50% of questions from my boss i couldnt answer, still not clerk properly, still not remember the dosage of drugs, and still hv a lot to learn. still coping..

1 thing i hate bout myself is.. i cant hide my expression. kalau kena marah or when i feel bad/ sorry for myself ppl surround me can know much it affect me though im trying hard to hide it. tu tk pe, the worst thing is, its too obvious when i dont like someone. i try not to hate ppl. but just cant help myself. so the person know that i dont like him/her. sorry. its so obvious. i dont how not to not like you.

currently 2nd week in new ward. far much better than my previous ward, in the aspect of workload. much more lesser. like u only clerk max 2-4 cases per day. i can hv a nap in afternoon, hv a meal qid. what a life~ haha. just enjoy the moment because soon gonna be transfer to periphery which may hv to work 7day/week and take care double/triple of current pt right now.

just back from work. 16hours of my weekend i spend in hospital. tht's a doctor life. so adik2 kt luar sana, if u want to be doctor think again. mentally n physically tortured. seriously. think all of the family event that u gonna missed. nk dpt cuti susah gile ok! last week, grandmother of my colleague just passed away and she cant attend because of the work. sucks isnt.

i try to find a life outside hospital. good thing i have good support system. my sisters, dear awesome girlfriends (the place where we're whining and complaining and gossiping of our life everyday) and supportive wardmates. hang out after work, watching movies and food hunting.
its kinda help a lot coping with the stress from work. and currently i volunteered myself in one of the NGO do a charity; giving food to homeless in everytime im not working; post call day or finished work early. will talk about it later if rajin enough to write another entry. mcm tkde kerja kn. tiring but i kinda enjoy it. really need to escape to find another life far from a boring life home-hosp everyday. i dont want to be a robot. because currently we're really in very stressful job. so this how i going through it.

today my boss made my day. this my 1st time met him and round with him. a chinese MO guy. try my best present without looking at bht and do proper clerking. and i present about 7cases to him today. at the end of the day, he asks me; are you working till 10? -yes boss. who gonna replace you? are they good? -ilyas, ikram yeoh and azizah. yes they're. they're more senior than me. because you're quite good. 
hiks. i know quite good is not very good. but its good enough for me to feel good of myself. hehe. :')



Saturday, April 6, 2013

precious weekend

im so damn exhausted!

ppl come ppl go. for medical, ho and mo have to rotate. most of my awesome senior colleague are not around anymore. so does Dr M. very lack short no of ppl. satu table 3 org je, penat gile weyhhh! just recently newcomers br masuk. so currently we hv 7 taggers. ok la sikit.

and kerja mcm... #$@^%. im really not proud with myself. last week ade one day memang kena marah teruk dgn specialist for not knowing case in details. i feel bad. i feel bad for myself and feel bad for disappointing her. tanya soalan lg la mmg byk tk dpt jawab. feel stupid. and jg subacute seriously penat gile! cuma sehari je dapat ikut round dgn boss with other colleague dlm cubicle. the rest of the day, tk tahu pun katil sblh kes ape tk sempat nk ikut round.

my 1st patient die this week. expected already as he is very old and his condition deteriorate, underlying brain stem n pontine infart, developed HAP already and he opt for DIL NAR ( death in line?, no active resuscitation). he passed away 4am day before yesterday but i was not around. may u rest in peace uncle.

and my tablemate does not really helpful. im so damn pissed off with him! like i said before only 3ppl in a table. this week my other colleague took mc for 2days because she's sick. left me with other male colleague. boleh tak he went MIA and leave me oncall to cover 4 wards ALONE and took all morning blood by myself.?!
only came at 7am next morning innocently ask; ada blood lg tk nk ambil? bullshit! just thank God that night went peaceful with no big issues. he alwys did his work slow and steady then mcm da lmbt and kerja tk siap blood byk lg tk ambil, so i did most of the blood taking. pass over pun since die dtg lmbt so i took most of them from prev shift. still, he alwys ask me to punch card for him. come on la! seriously he's taking an advantage of me. i feel being bully. yesterday i decided to stand on my own didnt punch his card and left some blood for him. but my other colleague feel sorry so she help him.
i mean im not kinda yg berkira yg sgt buat kerja. i wouldn't mind at all to help. tp kalau da org lain pun berkira jgk ambil kesempatan mcm ni, bukan sekali dua, byk kali da buat mcm ni. melampau.


quite stressful working environment right now.


kerja macam robot. non stop pergi kerja, blk rumah tido bgn pergi blk. hv no life. kerja jadi kuli. so damn exhausted. kalau boss ok, colleague ok, environment ok, kerja seronok tk pe tau. even pharmacist in my ward is so damn annoying!. ppftt.



stress.

this job is sucks.