Thursday, December 27, 2012

E-day

not mine, of course. :p

22nd December 2012 

this is what girlfriends are for.. :)


us. the bridesmaid? gadis-gadis hantaran :P

it was a beautiful day.
congrats dear. you're gorgeous.

23rd December 2012.

and happy birthday.
i love you.
always.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

sunat.

smlm, majlis khatan beramai2 kt hosp; 48 org.
sbb kenal staff sejak attchment tahun2 lps, minggu lps ckp kt abg H nk join. abg H kate ok, jd smlm dtg join sekali. tp pagi2 nmpk pengarah hosp da cuak. tanya abg H tk pe je ke masuk je ni tk melalui pengarah. abg H kata ok tk pe, then ok la. hehe. rase kekok. sbb 1.tk kenal ramai staff. 2.sorg2 je 'outsider'. 3.da lama tk pegang instrument.

mula kes pertama perhatikn dulu tuk mudim plng berpengalaman; encik J buat procedure. lebih complicated drpd procedure yg dr yg mesir buat. mungkin sebb perbezaan umur & peralatan kt msia lebih banyak. dan technique pun lebih sterile. encik J buat dlm 11min pun abg H kata tu laju. average dlm 15-20min utk setiap kes. kt mesir kurg drpd 5min da siap.

ade 2 technique.
a. ? tk sure nama technique. dr mesir guna technique yg sama tp cuma guna special instrument mcm gunting; i dont know whts the name. it's a bone forceps. dan kt sini guna diatermy/cautery supaya kurg pendarahan. kelebihan: lebih cepat. clamp & potong sekali terus.
b. dorsal slit. much complicated dan kena lebih berhati2. ni technique lama. kena bukak dan potong diameter kelililing.
huh layman. in medical term, boleh la google sendiri.

mula2 kaku tk tahu nk start kt mana. dr W tegur dulu, mntk tlng syringe out LA. lama tk pegang instrument, syringe out pun shaking. oh, damn it. jd kena bahan. nk ikut abg H, tp abg H da dgn dr W, dan kebetulan encik A kosong, maka jd pembantu encik A.

encik A baik. technique encik A pun kemas. encik A ajar step by step. mula2 assist, da kes yg ke 3, encik A suruh buat. oh my!. mula2 pegang needle holder pun da shaking apetah lagi masa buat procedure. encik A ckp kena letak tgn kt atas pt utk atasi hilangkn menggeletar. jd tk la obvious sgt.
seronok jahit byk dan dpt aplikasikn surgical knot. 1st time! selalu cuma practice kt benang masa mngantuk wktu lecture. td byk ambil precaution superficial vein pun kena ligate, jd byk la dpt buat surgical knot. gembira. tk lama kemudian El dtg. jd kami bertiga kt satu station. ganti2 dgn El jd pembantu pembantu. da akhir2 tu encik A beri kepercayaan pada kami untuk handle sendri dgn pemerhatian.

mcm2 ragam. ade umur dr 6-12 tahun. muka confident, muka cuak, yg asyik angkat muka je nk tgk, yg stress satu badan. ckp kt pt, relax je, adik kalau sakit/takut bace bismillah dan selawat byk2 tau. tahu selawat tak? -err da lupa. aigo. ade sorg adik umur 6 tahun tu plng comel. tk henti menangis sambil bace 3qul and alfatihah kuat. sbb pelat2 lg kn, pastu takut2. alahai comel sgt. and El bgs byk bg nasihat kt pt. ni da nanti jgn lupa solat, hbs procedure suruh pt ckp terima kasih kt encik A. nmpk sbg medical profession sgt byk peluang utk berdakwah and mengingatkan. mcm kt adik td, boleh nk ajarkn selawat. nk tk nk dan mampu kuat atau tidak je kn.

dpt dlm 7-10 kes. yeay.

pengalaman baru. seronok.
siapa nk sunat? saya da reti. lol.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

piemass.

i'm sensitive. i'm emotional. i'm easily distracted with simple things i shouldn't care of.
i hate the fact that i am hardly able to control my emotion.
and may physically affected by muscle twitches; on masseter or thenar.
all will end up with myself crying.
i cried at my bestfriends wedding yesterday. silly.

now something is bothering me. and i can't stop to think about it.
emotionally unstable; and tears just about to burst.

urghhh..

dear thing, pls get out of my mind..
i wish i have switch button to turn off the thought.

i dont like to feel left out.
thats why i love when im busy. so im not distracted with all those simple things
which will affected me a lot, every time i think of it.
and will keep bugging in my head as long as i dont hv anything else to think.
that thing, shouldn't be an issue.
stress.!


dear heart, pls dont break.

i need distraction.
i miss my hectic life. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

why a doctor? II

I want to be a doctor with all my heart
I wanted to become a doctor so I could serve others
and because of I've lost everything
but I've also gained everything..
 -Dr. Hunter "Patch" Adams. 


highly recommended. patch adams 1998.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

another step closer

random Q on interview with SPA/KKM.
  • nama2 menteri kabinet, menteri kesihatan, pengarah kesihatan, etc. title penting. perlu tahu nama penuh beserta pangkat; YAB, YB, dato', dato seri.
  • common disease in Malaysia/Egypt.
  • KKM. organisasi, moto.
  • TB. DOTS.
  • dengue fever. signs & symptoms. treatment
  • klinik 1Malaysia
  • DM. normal range of blood glucose level. (malaysia guna mmol.)
  • kempen kesihatan oleh kerajaan malaysia
  • pusat penyelidikan kesihatan
  • disease yg kena notify
  • what is endemic, epidemic, pandemic? example.
  • peranan WHO 
dan selebihnya, borak2 kosong tanya latar belakang, kalau kena sabah sarawak nk tk? ha ha. dan penuh nasihat drpd penemuga utk kerja nanti.
sekejap. dalam 20min sekali 5 org masuk. 

kata sahabat handai, masa dr tarikh temuduga sampai induksi tambah tolak dalam 8minggu.
jd kalau interview 28.11. kebarangkalian mungkin dipanggil induksi 22.1. oh.
ade tambah tolak 7 minggu lg. tambah da 9 minggu tinggalkn medicine. kire la brp byk yg masih igt.

ye, sy penganggur berjaya.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

my bestfriend's wedding.

congrts ain. my ex-neighbor. 8 tahun kawan dr sek rendah ke sek menengah sama. tk sangka ain kawen dulu.


and you, my dear classmate for 6y aka my ground glass appearance cousin aka studygroup-mate in last 3years aka my er-buddy slash partner in crime at hosp. all the memories 6y in alex..
yg menjadi pendorong, pemberi semangat, mengingatkn ketika lupa, mengajak ke arah kebaikan, pemberi nasihat, pendengar dan peneman yg setia, dan kawan waktu susah & senang.
thank you. i love you.


sebak. sayu. congrats both of you. semoga bahagia sampai syurga.
n congrats for migha & zana too!.
nahh.. this is for you guys. things were changed when ppl married isn't?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

wise words from a great person


"look for good and good will find you." 
dr kareem genena

"dont choose dept you like, choose dept tht hv somebody to teach you." 
dr amr anaes

"assurance come with responsibility". 
dr adham farouk plastic

"be nice to pt and they will let you do anything". 
dr joe uro

"pt = disease and person. we may treat the disease but how we treat the person?" 
dr harlina harliza

"think out of box. and do not afraid to create." 
dr sameh shehata peds surgery

"we should alwys thanks to our pt. we learned from them." 
dr haysam peds surgery

"do everything for the sake of Allah. and Allah will ease and make the way for you."
"dont greedy to do everything on ur own. send referral to ur colleague. get specialized"
"fulfill the right of ur responsibility towards ppl surround you. barakah is important"
dr nehal shakankiri peds ophthalmology.



Saturday, November 3, 2012

mission accomplished.

clap2. :D

Friday, November 2, 2012

ini bukan tumblr.


aww...

Monday, October 22, 2012

I'm leaving on the jet plane

the last sunset.
im leaving egypt for good today. mixed feeling. i feel sad, i feel excited, and in the upper hand i feel relieved! im done! 6years is not short duration of time. too much memories.
to my great support system, dear girlfriends and sisters, bestfriends, batch-mate, colleague & great ppl i've met along the journey; you're going to be missed.

and last  few days i spend my time to say good bye to dearest ppl to me.

have a good day with dr safwat & sisters the day before. i told dr safwat im leaving and he ask me to join him at hosp. i didn't even finish my packing but how can i say no? just met him this summer and i hate the fact that i didn't met him earlier. he is a great & awesome person, ever. i can spend 12 hours straight at hosp with him and didnt even notice time flies. and hv been attched with him only 3 times, but it meant a lot.
i come at the morning and told him i hv to leave at 4. he used the time wisely and taught me as much as he could. when i excuse myself to leave, he try to withhold me few times. oh i hate to say good bye. i did cried when i left.
then spend the rest of the day with my dearest sisters. i've been with them for 5years! we're really close. im gonna miss them so much.

and yesterday, met nour, attia & noha. they made surprise for me. terharu :'). they ask me to cancel my flight. ha ha. and sparrow said i belong to miri. oh!

i had enough to deal egyptian. im sick with the attitude of non-civilized un-educated local ppl. so far i've met bad ppl more than good ppl. i dont know why in my final year i had a lots of trouble to deal with egyptian; which more than i've met in last 5y. really sick of it! never feel safe living in here. the only place i think slightly relief only at university when only my colleague and  doctors around; which are educated, civilized and well mannered ppl, though not all of them really are.
yesterday noha apologize to me for what their ppl did to me. i told her about all those taking advantage rude manner on foreigner things. somehow im glad i met a good ppl like them. so that i not only see the bad things in egypt. it feel so grateful when u meet really good egyptian.

great teachers and friends ive met along the journey.. thank you!. it will be a good memories.

Once you drink from the Nile, you are destined to return – Old Egyptian proverb.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Saturday, September 29, 2012

summer holiday

less than a month to stay in Egypt. mixed feeling
rase sedih, at the same time tk sabar nk tinggalkn alex. i've been far away from home for too long.
6 years abroad + 7 years in boarding school are not short duration. and 6 years in egypt?! is more than enough. i dont think i can tolerate with them anymore. not all of them, but most of them. and the truth, i never feel safe living in here.
quote from friend;  Live long enough in Egypt to not be able to recieve any act of kindness without being suspicious.  so true!

i had great summer. spend one and half month productively. i think i've made right decision not return back this holiday. did a lot of things, didn't even notice time flew so fast.

daily routine. morning outpt clinic from 9-12, ER medical or CCU cardio till evening. ER istikbal or obgyn afterward till night.
spend about a month at cardio clinic then floating to medical dept; mostly in chest. and GI, rheuma, endocrine, hepatobiliary or sometimes in general medical, general surgery, peds surgery and neurosurgery till afternoon.
except on thursday, go straight to ER surgery with onco dept because diabetic dept on duty at medical ER. they're not really friendly and i dont learn much with them. and only 1-2 times per week i stay at ER or obgyn.
so i spend most of my time at medical this summer. i think i fall in love with medical. it may includes in the choices other with ER and obgyn. ha ha. i've never imagine myself end up winding in ward clerking pt.

spend most of my time at hosp. met new ppl, learn new things, improve my clinical skills. and the most important thing i've learned is, attitude.
we dont usually see the right things until we see the wrong one.
some dr can be so ignorant. and mayb they dont even aware of that. they're very excellent doctor. the explanation, the knowledge u gain from them are totally great. but how are their attitude to the ppl around? to the pt, to colleague, to nurses and other medical staffs? there are always hierarchy in everything. age, rank, seniority, etc. but being a doctor doesn't mean u can look down to the ppl lower than you.
  • you can always ask instead of giving the order
  • take ur little time to give explanation or excuses rather than ditch & just leave them. 
  • always respect ppl more senior & elder than you regardless their classes. 
  • do ur work sincerely
  • dont be selfish. help ur colleague & others as well. you cannot just said; thts not my work, i dont wanna to that. or, thats not our job, we hv 3amil to do it. like, really? its not sumthing like we dont know how to do or low class job whatsoever, it just helping ppl in need since you're just standing there crossing hand over ur body. 
treat all pt as a human being. my fav resident once told me. be nice to pt and they will let you do anything. couldn't agree more. even if u made mistake they will not rise their voice to you. its been proved!
sometimes dr can be soo ignorant. like; im highly self esteem, im confident with what im doing. i know everything, i know wht i do. i did this hundreds times. this just nothing as only simple procedure/ not serious disease etc.
just spend a little more time to ur pt for brief and explanation. even simple procedure as taking blood pressure; simple greeting and explanation would mean a lot to them. and you can easily gain respect from ppl with such good attitude.
just saying. i may only can say it right now, but in the future, if im in their shoes, hopefully i can keep maintain the good attitude.

i hv my own attitude problem, i hv commitment issue with certain ppl in long duration of time. i hardly attach with the ppl im not engaging. i dont like to work with ppl i dont feel comfortable with. i dont like ppl attached to me. im prefer to work alone. and usually i can just simply ditch them. i know its bad, cant help myself. need to work myself with that. thts also ignorant ok hani..

met new ppl open my eyes to the world. see good doctor. bad doctor. excellent & ignorant doctor. i learned a lot from them. simply just watching them. whatever it is, thank you for those ppl, i've learned something.

just coming back from shatby tonight. im happy. they made my night. i'm gonna miss them.
saw this 1 pt, did her CTG. and FHR is 50!. dr Z did emergency CS to her. he open her up within 10 minutes, and done less than 30min. he's really good doing his job. 1 of the most beautiful incision & suture i've ever seen. and he's really an excellent obgyn-ist.

and thank you kdamia. for the great summer i've spend with you. learned a lot from you as well. she's really excellent; academically and attitude. 

Friday, August 31, 2012

65

copy paste dr meor. hehe

1. Tell us who the last person that you took a shower with. my cousin, 16 years ago
2. Tell us about your favourite tee-shirt. anything comfortable
3. Has anyone ever hit on you even though they knew you were taken? im single & available.lol.
4. Do you plan what to wear the next day? blue jeans & grey blouse. and white coat.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Why? lazy. friday mode activated
6. What’s the closest thing to you that’s black? my keyboard
7. Tell me about an interesting dream you remember having. aa malu. haha
8. Did you or might you meet anybody new today? yes. n sometimes they made my day
9. If you could be doing anything right now (or perhaps after you finish this ridiculous meme) what would it be? take a bath
10. Can you think of a meme question that’s never been asked? ur IC number
11. What comes to mind when I say China? fake products
12. Are you overly emotional? always. *sigh
13. If you could listen to just one rock album (CD, vinyl or mp3) which one would you pick? LP
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? bite! ngap.
15. Do you eat to live or live to eat? eat to live. dont hv feeling to really enjoy the food & proper cook lately.
16. Do you like yourself? yes! i love myself
17. Would you go out to eat with Charlie Sheen? who's that?
18. What was the last song that you listened to? sudirman - warisan. 55th malaysian independant day, n lots of patriotic songs on air. im lovin it.
19. Are (or were) your parents strict? yes they're
20. Have you ever wondered what attending a wild orgy (if only to watch or…) would be like? wht is that?
21. I say cottage cheese. You say: blueberry cheese cake
22. Have you ever met a celebrity? nope
23. What was the last movie that you watched at home? hugo, last week. and its bored.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? my watch?
25. What countries have you visited? saudi, turkey, indonesia
26. Have you ever made a phone call while you were drunk that you’ve regretted? If yes, do tell. i dont drink.
27. Where were you going the last time that you were on a train? itay el-barud. sherif's place for iftar last month
28. Bacon or sausage? neither
29. How long have you had a cell-phone? 7 years
30. What other memes do you do regularly? I don’t do memes that often.
31. Who is the craziest meme host? i dont know.
32. Who invented chopsticks? the Chinese.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? my friends
34. Are you too forgiving? maybe. but in certain condition i still try my best to forgive & forget
35. When was the last time that you were in love? everytime. i love Allah, my prophet, parents, family & my dear friends.
36. Tell us about your best friend. we not alwys see each other, but we know we have each other's back.
37. What was the stupidest thing you learned in high school? i dont think of any. but if u ask in university, i hv a very long list.
38. What was the last thing that you cried about? yesterday. somebody crossed my line. yes. im that emo.
39. What was the last question you asked? do you want to go to carefour?
40. Favourite thing to do this time of the year? anything that kept myself busy & happy.
41. If you had to get a (or another) tattoo, what would it be? I will never do a tattoo.
42. How would your best friend describe you? bubbly & friendly
43. Have you ever seen all three Twilight films? not even 1
44. Ever walked into a glass door? haha. bang! embarrassed moment.
45. Favourite colour on that person that you are attracted to? anything that look good in my eyes
46. Have you ever slapped someone? joke slap. is't count?
47. What hair style (for you) would you like to see return? long, straight & smooth with less hair fall.
48. What was the last CD you bought? christina alguilera, 4 years ago.
49. Do looks matter to you? yes. 1st impression is important.
50. Could you ever forgive a liar? once u lose the trust its hard to gain it back.
51. What’s the hardest bill to pay every month? house rent. i hate to deal with my simsar.
52. Do you like your life right now? yes, i enjoy it.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on? sometimes
54. Can you handle the truth? it's better knowing the ugly truth than find it out later.
55. Do you have good vision? yes. :D my short sighed has been corrected.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?  i hate/dislike uncivilized/uneducated local Egyptian. never feel safe living in here.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? rare. only 2-3 times per week.
58. What celeb would you like to come home to? prophet saw. he is a celeb isn't? i want to meet him.
59. What are you wearing? pajama. haha busuk.
60. What is your favourite wild animal? cub
61. What is your favourite genre of movie? romantic comedy?
62. Can you waltz? no
63. Do you have a job? a servant, daughter, sister, friend, doctor-to-be.
64. What was the most recent thing you stole? no.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? no.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

bleeding score



Tuesday, August 21, 2012

untitled 5

  1. woke up at 10 with regret.  im a morning person.
  2. im soo into rendang this year. rendang = raya = happiness.
  3. last raya at perantauan. having good time with batchmates, and attend a lot of open houses. last moment together. sobs. lps semua org akan bawa haluan masing2 ntah bile dpt bertemu lagi. kn?.
  4. thing i miss most during eid: gathering & suasana raya with family. makanan, duit raya etc da tk kisah sgt da. oh i miss home.
  5. i know my family miss me too. *sigh.
  6. i miss my girlfriends here in alex. feeling something missing somewhere not having them around though we're not spend much time together. 
  7. jgn membazir. rase geram bile org ambil makanan byk2 tk hbs n buang. and geram tgk tinggal sesuap tk nk hbskn sbb da kenyang?. oh.
  8. i did enjoy the pre-internship thing. and its not just about attendance.
  9. got invitation from Egyptian colleague for her master degree thesis discussion. terharu. haha.
  10. i've made long list things to do for this summer holiday. looking forward to it.
  11. mind the boundaries. everyone has their own space. do not cross the line. 
  12. dont show me ur village. pls. pfftt.
  13. currently, staying at friend's. better not to stay at home alone though im much prefer that. and actually it feel good having somebody around.
  14. will spend most of time at hosp. got invited to join shifts with them. i want to do suture. to assist delivery. to clerk pt on my own. to improve my clinical skill. and attach & spend my time with dearest Egyptian colleague. 
  15. cuak for result! better not to think about it.
  16. ppl start to discuss placement for housemanship. i dont know. 
  17. let's think tomorrow's problem tomorrow.
  18. some of my dear friends getting married in a month(s). sad? maybe. i dont know. im just thinking we can't spend time like when they're single anymore, and things are different when they're married.
  19. less than 2months to stay in egypt. 
  20. mixed feeling
  21. so random and flight of idea.
  22. selamat hari raya maaf zahir & batin.

Friday, August 17, 2012

love rain

datang dan pergi silih berganti
pilu hati.
tk suka bila tiba masa utk berpisah
kenapa perlu ade perpisahan
mengharapkn kekal selamanya pd setiap pertemuan
lebih lagi yg meninggalkn bekas di hati
sungguh terasa sunyi
bergenang air mata terbayang bekas suasana
terasa kosong bila tiada
tinggal memori
terus bersemadi menjadi kenangan
menggamit rindu pada yang pergi

ape pun hidup perlu diteruskn

selamat jalan. semoga dpermudahkn semuanya

dan rindu pada kalian tentunya pasti..

kisah lain berakhir sudah.
tidak lagi mengharap.
pergilah. dan biarkn berlalu pergi.....

Monday, August 13, 2012

2nd week: cardiology

alhmdulillah. hbs 2nd round. cardiology & vascular medicine. best! gain & learn a lot.

cardio sgt detail. 1st day round pt, discuss +-1hour for every case. menarik sbb dr bg kami; budak malaysia yg selalu cuma jd pemerhati diam tk bersuara involve speak up join the discussion, dr terangkn in fully english & tanya2 soalan. jarang. sbb selalu dr discuss in arabic & kalau tanya br dr ckp in english. language barrier memang masalah. dr prefer explain & discuss better with their own mother tongue.

paling suka bila tgk drs buat group discussion. seat together and sharing knowledge. senior resident lead ajar jr2. so much fun and nmpk senior resident sentiasa nk tunjuk ajar. masa2 lapang tk check pt, they will seat together & discuss case or anything about cardiology. n discuss buku cardio page by page.
dr selalu ajak join sekali. tp sebab tk paham. paham medical term je, bile explanation dah lost. tp kalau dr rajin ade je lps tu derg terangkn blk in english.

n so far kalau tgk drugs utk cardiac cases semua lebih kurg. heparin, aspirin, clopidogrel, ator, concord, ACEI, aldosterone, anti oxidant, antibiotic, etc. da boleh hafal setiap kali doctor tulis prescription. but of course different according to pt condition. each time dr nk bg prescription, derg discuss based on clinical evidence study & recommendation; class I, IIab, III: ABC. gila kn. hebat.

belajar echo sket2, tgk byk case kt outpt. see detail examination. n for the 1st time, i clerk case by own & present to dr. byk defect tp ok la kn da lps 1st time cuba lg lain kali. n see detail examination & investigation to reach dx and management of each.

thank you Drs.
dr gendi, dr amr, dr mustafa, dr muhamad, dr ahmad, dr ala', dr basma, dr yehia, dr shereen.
and in the very last day, they remember my name. hihi. :))

da hbs cardio tambah 1 wishlist: steth littmann cardio.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

ramadhan 22nd

our Egyptian friend; sherif invite us to go his house for iftar. dan kami dengan sangat berbesar hati memenuhi jemputan beliau. pukul 4 gerak dari mahattah misr ke itay el-barud; kawasan luar bandar lebih kurg 1.45-2jam dari alex. 1st time naik tram ayam? ok je pun sbnrnya. cuma open air, bila selisih dgn keretapi sblh memang menderu angin. n tgk pemandangan kaw pertanian sepanjang perjalanan, sgt cool~

sampai dlm pkl 6++.mereka da tunggu; sherif & his friend muhammad. they both now are MO btw. siap sewa tramco khas utk kami ke rumah beliau (dlm 15min drpd mahattah) and keluarga sgt mengalu2kn kami. jumpa mak sherif, mama sgt baik & shaima'; adik sherif. 

terkejut makanan sgt byk! da siap da semua tinggal tk hidang je lagi. seriously. makan utk 20+ org makan. nasi. spagetti, firakh mayhwi, hamam mahsyi, bat6o, ru'ak, koftah, tomato salad, potato. kitorg tlng kemas meja & hidang makanan. tk cukup meja. penuh sgt. as if like sorg kena makan semua dish 1 plate each yg memang sgt byk. tp failed. muhammad kate tk boleh nk jd isteri lg hidang meja pun tk reti. lol. die yg susun blk.
less than quarter of the foods.
tambah dgn juice mango, tamr, tamarhind & lisan asfour. and air masak sejuk ade ais siap satu cooler besar tu. solat maghrib, makan mana mampu; kena paksa mkn lg. haha.  kitorg da mkn byk sgt pun mcm tk luak. kemas sket2. then pergi solat terawih sama2 kt masjid. semua org. satu family sekali. tinggal dapur tk kemas tkpe pergi masjid jgk. bagus kn?. blk masjid duduk borak2 makan2 lagi sampai pkl 10 dihidangkan dgn mango, fiq & 3inab banati, tea & bicarbonate drink.

erfan. sherif. nazri. mohammad shehata. qiqi. dayah. eifa.
mkcik insist overnight kt situ. terharu sgt. macam family. buka puasa sama2, pergi masjid terawih sama2. sbb mkcik kata da beli da kunafa & atayif, tp tk sempat nk buat. stay la lama lg. layanan yg kami dpt pun da sgt baik & makanan semua da lebih drpd cukup. sgt terharu tau. and before blk, siap bungkuskn tapau bawak blk makanan utk sahur. bile nk blk, makcik hantar kami keluar sampai hilang dr pandangan. hiba. kalau prepare awl2 boleh kot nk stay. tp esok pun nk kerja pg. apakn daya. terasa nilai family. singgah sekejap je pun, rase sgt best.

gerak ke mahattah, train pkl 11+. and muhammad temankn blk alex. lps tu br die blk kafr dawa'. jd musyrif/guardian kitorg. terasa mcm budak2 sbb muhammad memang jaga. train ke alex penuh. terpaksa berdiri sepanjang perjalanan memang tkde tempat. tp rase selamat je. nasib baik mlm train lg laju. dlm sejam lebih perjalanan, sampai alex pkl 12++. pkl 1 sampai rumah. penat. and seronok.
thank you very much sherif & family. and muhammad shehata. it will be a good memory. :')

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

homesick

kelmarin call rumah. emo rindu sgt nangis teruk dgn family. haihhh. r u 12 or what?? nasib baik tk ckp dgn semua org. kalau ade mak sekali mesti mak lg risau. smlm terus demam. cmpur dgn penat ER lagi. hr ni makin teruk. 

i want my family. :'(

Monday, August 6, 2012

1st week: ER

  1. work hour: 9am-5pm. minimum 5days.
  2. fav questions in 1st few days of work: dr can we go home now? and dr's fav answer: No.
  3. me: dr where do you send ABG? here(istikbal) or clinical pathology?
    dr (HO): clinical pathology
    me: seriously.??!
    dr (HO): yeah. aircond2 :P
    me: it's too far away. and it's hot. and everyone are fasting. n how many times you hv to go there every shift?
    dr (HO): for the sake of pt, i dont mind.
    me: wow. really
  4. 27y female. post ictal. hematemasis.
    my friends and i insert NGT & folley's catheter & did gastric wash on her.
    2hours later.... she die.
    :(
  5. dr S: hanin how are you? how's everything?
    me: alhmdulillah fine dr S, i just finished exam last week
    dr S: what exam? physiology? anatomy?
    me: nooo. final 6th year exam. girahah & ba6nah.
    dr S: are you 6th year??
    i attached to dr S almost a year and mayb she think im still in preclinical year. oh.
  6. come sharp at 9am today, and 1st pt i saw hg stroke pt on ETT and sudden cardiac arrest. ICU resident did CPR and 1st ECG already flat. pt die. cant help myself when resident delivered the news to relative and see how they digest it. :/
  7. hanin do ABG on this pt. hanin take blood pressure. hanin this pt has blabla... 
    i really love when the resident called me by name, discuss the case & give me an order instead i ask for it.
  8. most common cases: stroke-hg/ischemic, hepatic encephalopathy, renal failure-acute/chronic, persistent wheezy chest-chronic asthma/COPD, tense ascites, hematemasis.
  9. i'm sorry i didnt let you do the ABG because it need experienced hand and the pt is children.
    aww is't too sweet when the resident come back to you and apologize. no need to apologize dr.
  10. i want ABG, NGT & folley's catheter on this pt. and I only repeat my order once. now!
    n for that pt i want blablablaba.......now.
    teeheee. i love you la doctor :P
  11. we did a lot of ECG, ABG, NGT, folley's cath, gastric wash & measuring BP. i really mean a lot! and some paracentesis & bed sore dressing.
  12. i hv good relationship with nurse.(at istikbal esp) and they like us. bosan2 tkde kerja g lepak2 suka sibuk2 dgn nurse. madam asma, madam nikmah, madam marwa, zainab, madam sakinah. malu bile nurse greet cium pipi. tp suka. lol.
  13. ER will be much interesting and give much more benefit if both; the resident & local HO treat us well. we gain a lot from them. thank you very much dr & colleague.
    dr iman & dr walid hepatobiliary. dr amr & dr heba geriatric. dr ibrahim & dr hana' GIT, dr marwa endocrine, dr sara & dr marwa renal. dr mohd abd aziz, dr ammar, dr sarah, dr muhammad.
    and the best: assistant professor - dr ahmad shaaban? i think; who monitor us almost everyday and make sure we gain benefit & did everything.
    lg terharu bila dtg pagi2 resident da greet tunggu kt dpn pintu ER; i'm with you today.
    (though some of them are not really friendly; both the resident & local HO , but sokay we skipped on that day.)
  14. i dont like local HO underestimate us. we're also like you guys (only we're new & lack of experienced?) but we also knew how to do most of the things, just with a little language problem. we both in the same learning phase, aren't we?
  15. i re-gain my ABG hand. yeay. yeay. conclusion: rapid gush of blood is not indicator of arterial blood. they also can be very slow; like drop by drop. esp in hypotensive pt. oh and i try to insert needle blindly today; based on anatomical region of radial a without feeling the pulse and got it!. yeay.
  16. us: dr, CCU shift is 12hours. its very long.
    dr M: life is tough. so?
  17. ER will be much better if they own their ABG machine. really.
  18. 1st day, no of us are 13. decrease to 10. decrease to 7. n this morning only 5. up to evening only 3 left. lol.
  19. met very enthusiastic junior friend of mine somehow made my day. 
  20. and in very last day, with renal dept. they treat us very well. happy ending in ER. :')

Friday, August 3, 2012

priority

" u have passed 6 years of hard work and this should make u all proud of ur selves. 
but u should always remember that this only the first and the very early step in our career, as we should be long life learners !!
our career puts us all in a position of a very heavy responsibility and we should do our best to be good doctors.. "

:')

huhhh. terasa shock. kelmarin hbs exam final. hari ni terus start pre-internship. and mcm ade beban bile dr ckp; you are no longer undergraduate. now u're a doctor. n 1st day terabur floating tukar dept; dpt masuk bukan dept pilihan. tp ok je skrg da dpt follow the flow. nk blk awl memang harapan saje, kena ikut office hour resident. mcm da terasa ade kena pikul tanggungjawab. pagi bgn pergi kerja weyh. da tkde da nk ckp bgn g sekolah lagi. haha. seronok jgk kot sbnrnya. rase stress memang ade, tp look to the bright side, prepare utk HO kt msia nanti yg lg stress. yg pasti nanti mesti rindu cara resident kt sini treat HO; ajar & terangkan dgn sgt baik mjawab semua soalan and every steps of procedure.

br minggu 1st intern, tk terurus da rase. blk penat2 da terus tunggu buka puasa, terawih memang tk larat nk pergi. bilik pun da bersepah balik mls nk kemas. tp untung nasib baik blk2 kt rumah setiap hr da ade org siapkn utk berbuka. and kejut sediakn sahur siap. kalau tk, memang tk la. terharu tau. ;')
nk ckp ramadhan memang ntah ke mana. skrg terpk tau. tgk resident lg la memang tk nmpk derg ade masa utk betul2 meraikn ramadhan. sibuk handle pt je setiap masa. terbyg kte nanti mcm mana.

tahun ni da la last ramadhan kt mesir. sbb pre-intern ni da jd distract utk celebrate ramadhan.
nk kena betulkn balik priority buat masa skrg. 1. ramadhan. 2. intership.
ramadhan last da ni kt mesir. kt msia nanti lagi la tkde nk sambut ramadhan sgt.
hopefully dpt manfaatkn masa yg ada sebaiknya.

Friday, July 20, 2012

ramadhan kareem

alhamdulillah dipertemukan lg dgn ramadhan tahun ni. tersentuh jgk hati minggu lps bile ade dpt berita beberapa org meninggal. 1of them is my former 2ry school teacher. bukan sbb sakit. nyawa ajal maut kt tgn Tuhan. bila2 masa saje Allah boleh tarik.

tkde rezeki nk rase awl2 puasa.  maybe la rase mcm boleh spend byk masa utk study. tp tk jgk. dysmenorrhea je da burn da 1 hari. kurg best pun sbb dpt rase jiwa kosong. mase nk exam lagi2 la rase emotional unstable perlukn spiritual support.

cuakk tgk soalan surgery! semua mcm nk jawapan panjang2 je. ada kebarangkalian tk cuma 5 soalan n 1 soalan 10 markah? scary o. da 2 hari tk boleh nk fokus sgt study. alahai la. 2 hari study peds tk hbs2. da move on hari ni start plastic. cuba jaya utk hbskn plastic hr ni. surgery mcm da byk kali je bace. tp.. ntah la.

ayuh semangat!. AIM TO COMPLETE MISSION WHICH IS POSSIBLE.

looking forward for atayif & tarawih at gami' ibrahim. n  i miss obgyn. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

HALF WAY DONE

another half way to go

alhamdulillah. finished with internal medicine today.

most stress exam ever! almost break down. I cried few times last few days. and only Allah knows how am I feeling on that moment. seriously. the final of final. too much pressure. a lot things to read in short duration of time. done with written and mcq exam last 2days.
and today clinical OSCE exam. any case can come out in the exam. and as if like, u're 6th year, u soon gonna be a doctor and u need to know all everything. like EVERYTHING.

i dont know if i did good.
1 clinical case examination, and 1 problem solving questions. 50marks each.
case: i got diabetic pt. alhmdulillah. took short history and only done a little bit examination as being 2nd last person in the room, the pt already agitated want to leave. not so fluent answering the questions and dr guide for most of the questions, hv some defect and also few questions i really dont know the answer. like, what is mechanism of liver cirrhosis in type 2 DM. and i really forgot about diabetic retinopathy and white nails.
but still..alhmdulillah. all praise to Allah.

and for problem solving. renal case. RPGN. paucy anca autoimmune.

huhh da hbs. doa byk2 Allah lembutkn hati examiner bg kami semua lulus utk final ni. aminnn!

btw lps hbs exam nmpk Dr samir in the same room examine my colleague. he look at me, and smile. i hv good history in round and exam CCU with him. somehow i'm glad saw him today.

huhh. relieved! lega sgt da hbs internal medicine. take a rest tonight and will continue another half way with surgery. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

6th year FINAL EXAM

the final battle.
hopefully dpt stay on the track, n tajdid niat selalu utk exam kali ni.
semoga Allah permudahkn segala urusan.
minta maaf segala silap salah.
mohon doa drpd semua..

all the best batch 06/12. 




Thursday, June 28, 2012

dear anonymous,

you made my day.

thank you. ;')

Friday, June 22, 2012

13 june II






















terima kasih cinta hati

Saturday, June 16, 2012

mission failed

1st attempt to do blood donation (in egypt, i already did twice in malaysia before) was few months ago when life hayah organize a campaign to donate blood at muassah & miri. went to academic building and did the check up. unfortunately my Hb level was 11, so im not a fit candidate to donate blood.
and yesterday, saw the advertisement for blood donation day at blood bank, shatby hospital.
go there, repeat the same check up. blood pressure: 110/80, check. visible vein, check. Hb level: 12, check. 
it is normal. but they didn't allowed me because they said it is borderline normal. this is my 2nd attempt, and i still did get the chance to donate my blood here.  i think sumthing wrong with the machine. 
unsatisfied with the result so i do CBC.  go to the lab to take blood tube, withdraw my own blood. and send the back blood to the lab.

and I've got the result on the spot. 

so that's it, the machine was wrong! it's not 12.
tsk. -.-

i eat a lot. and i really mean, a lot!
how come im still anemic? 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

13 june

1st wish i've got from my dearest parent.
although few hours early.


terharu.

thank you. i love you.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

open heart surgery

random sequelae of the operation:

  1. we come a little bit late. the operation was start at 9. and we come at 10. the surgeon already open the thorasic and on that moment they're preparing circulatory bypass by inserting canulae at ascending aorta, SVC and IVC.
    it was breath taking saw heart directly, beating in the thorasic cage for the 1st time.  subhanallah.
  2. start cardiapulmonary bypass. important of communication between the cardiac surgeon, perfusionist & anaesthetetic to make sure everything is working. they reply each other sentence in every order given.
  3. put clamp on ascending aorta. and the anaesthetic insert cardioplegic solution every 20-30min by high pump pressure; to prevent emboli. as the pt received heparin, must monitor the ACT (activating clotting time) between 480-600s all the time.
  4. the heart stop beating. senior surgeon come and he cut open the heart through right atrium, tricuspic valve, interatrial septum to reach mitral valve. im not sure when did they remove the stenotic valve, just aware they start suturing the metallic cardiac mitral valve to the heart. 
  5. it took about >20 suture for the valve. insert the thread 1 by 1 first, along the diameter of the valve to the cardiac (as shown in the pict).
  6. and here's the moment the where the dr ask the most precious question. 'you want to do the suture?'  oh faint! and i replied in shock, can I? dr hand to me the needle holder, and step aside let me took his place. ohhh my. i did it!
  7. then they did surgical knot for every single thread separately in the valve to the heart.
  8. finished placing the metallic cardiac mitral valve, try the valve function my moving it with forcep. and alhmdulillah its working.
  9. repair the tricuspid valve by autologos tissue from pt's pericardium. and close the heart.
  10. senior surgeon finished his work and leave. then they off cardiopulmonary bypass and re-perfuse the pt's blood by remove the canulae from rt atrium.
  11. the heart start beating again. unfortunately they detect 2nd degree heart block.
  12. insert 2 pace maker, at right atrium & lf ventricle. suture the pacemaker wire to the heart & another metal part outside the skin connecting to the machine.  im not sure how does it work and is't temporary or permanent.
  13. the heart beat become normal. then remove cannula at the ascending aorta. the systolic BP must be around 100 to prevent aortic dissection.
  14. control the bleeding, cautery any bleeding point, continuous suction, and put gauze around the heart.
  15. put 2 drainage in the pericardium at the midline just below the last ICS.
  16. remove rib spreader, put bone wax at sternum for hemostatis. 
  17. put again rib spreader, remove and pack another gauze inside. check any bleeding and put organic hemostatic gauze around suture in the heart.
    the surgeon not suture the pericardium to avoid cardiac tamponade.
  18. again remove rib spreader and suture the sternum by wire. wow it really need full of energy to insert the wire and suture it to sternum. they did continuous suture 1st then cut it by wire cutter to be separate stitch. 
  19. remove the gauze around the heart and close the sternum. there are about 6-7 wire stitch and they knot all the stitch at the same time. every end of wire are hold by artery forceps and they do it simultaneously. 
  20. close the skin. finished the operation around 2pm++.
unfortunately i didnt know the name of the senior surgeon who did the operation. only know the name of the residents; dr osama and dr karim. 

it was priceless experience.!
 :)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

*guilty

alhamdulillah.

got a chance to scrub in 4hours open heart surgery for mitral valve replacement & tricuspid valve repair today and I did 1 stitch for the valve. cool~

it was awesome. but i think this feeling will be much better if no guilt feeling inside. there is an awkward moment when u got opportunity to do something that not everyone get and they just watching you at the side. i.e scrubbed in with ur colleague around. everybody want it. kn? who doesn't?

lg rase bersalah, sbb org lain yg ajak pergi tgk operation in the 1st place. and actually im not really in a good mood so just remain silent and keep the distance away from the ppl im not engaging. sounds emo. huh. kot. *lg2 la rase bersalah*

when dr said, 1 of you can scrub in with me, I look at my colleague who invite me and made eye contact asking 'you want to do it?' and she replied and I interpret it as 'go ahead if u want'. 
so then I volunteer myself and go scrub in with scrub nurse

tiba2 rase awkward. rase bersalah. I should insist her to scrub in.

I think mayb sbb mcm serik for certain somebody yg cuma selalu ambil kesempatan saje. im the one who alwys ask dr to do somthing, any procedure, etc. and usually I ask and let my colleague if they wnt to do it. but there are some rare opportunity and when i've got the chance, somebody crossed the line and took advantage of it. rase geram kot.
if you to do it, ask for it by urself. volunteer urself. go in front and brave urself. dont take advantage on others. chances and exposures are everywhere if u're hardworking.

ohmmo. i dont like ppl do this to me. so now i really feel guilty thinking that im taking my dearest colleague chance, i think she deserve more because she's the one who invited me in the 1st place.

hmmm i hope i can made up something to overcome this guilt feeling. hoping for another chance, and for sure will let her do it next time.

im sorry. :(

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

nilai

terlalu byk nikmat dunia yg tak ternilai
nikmat hidup, sihat, senang, iman, islam, tenang.
keluarga yg baik. tk yatim. tk piatu.
(ok ade program charity utk orphan kt kuliah hari ni. luluh jg hati tgk anak2 kecil dah tkde parent.) *kte sgt beruntung kn?
dan ade persekitaran yg baik. support system yg baik.

salah satu perkara yg sy hargai kt sini; kawan2 yg baik.

sudah hampir 6 tahun. bukan masa yg sekejap. lame. 
tp da nk sampai penghujung, br terase laju masa berlalu. 
perjalanan yg panjang. 
berjumpe ramai org. berkawan dgn ramai org. 
ade yg sementara, ade yg bertahan lama. 
dan antara pengaruh plng kuat dlm hidup. 
kate org; nk kenal seseorg, tgk dgn siapa die berkawan. kn. 

sesiapa pun kalian..

yg sudi melayan
yg ade disisi
yg selalu menemani
yg menadah telinga
yg memberi bahu dan anggota
yg tidak berprasangka
yg tidak cuma menilai  (yg mane sy pun selalu buat kdg2)
yg tk cuma mengambil kesempatan
yg syg sy. haha selalu perasan saje lebih
yg dekatkn sy dgn Tuhan
yg selalu saling mengingatkn
yg pernah ada dlm hidup sy
yg pernah jd kwn baik sy

sy hargai kalian
sy syg kalian

ye sy yg mengada kdng2. sy pilih kwn.
atau lebih mudah terasa rimas
sesiapa yg ternyata terasa sy tk suka
yg pernah hadir sementara, sy minta maaf. 
ternyata tk mampu lg nk mengawal tunjuk perasaan
emosi lebih utama
minta maaf terguris hati, perasaan semua
terima kasih atas segalanya

sungguh. 
sy sgt hargai kalian yg pernah ade dlm hidup sy


terima kasih kwn2 yg baik.